Constant learning is one of my values. Doing things that are useful, is another value of mine. I constantly read everything that comes into my hands, but most of that stuff disappears from my head the moment I am done reading. Writing helps this information to sink in. So it’s time to put my random readings into something productive and usable in future conversations which produces it’s own anxiety of not having enough things to say. Posts like this is my solution to these problems.
- The perfect age to find the love of your life is 26. I would say I found one exactly then. Unfortunately, he’s 22. So for him I came in early. I try to kick this thought out of my head that he’s not ready to be in something more serious. However he was the one who offered to move in together. But recent events proved that he’s not so mature yet. At least he’s more awesome and interesting than any of the mature one’s I know.
- “When you ask the average person what they do to meet new friends, they often tell you that they leave it to chance, and that “you can’t really control these things.” However, when you look at their social life, you find that they’re not happy with the few poor friendships they have. If the people around you aren’t fun, interesting to YOU, then you need to do something about it. If you leave it to chance, it may never change.”
- This is one thing that always rubbed me off in a bad way: people rebelling and being angry about something. I sort of sensed their fakeness, but I was never able to explain what is wrong with this. I just found the answer: there was no higher belief. They just didn’t want to be like everybody else and mindlessly rebelled against everything that’s in their heads is “everybody else is doing”:
“Let go of whatever you’re rebelling against without a higher purpose. If your sole motive is to react against a system, whether it be political, religious, social, parental, communal, environmental, or anything else that might rub you the wrong way, you are still allowing that system to dictate your behavior. Disliking something simply because it’s conventional is just as mindless as liking it for that same reason. On the other hand, rebel if there is a higher purpose, a higher ideal. “
- Free spirit does not try to please people and if they try to change the free spirited person, he runs away. Today I texted my mom to accept me as I am and not to try to change the way I communicate. She manipulatively texted only “Ok”. Everybody knows what it means (I was surprised she knows, but she’s a woman trying to manipulate me. C’mon.). And I didn’t reply. After every conversation I feel horrible because:
a) I either changed to accommodate her and feel emotionally abused after;
b) the conversation was empty and dull, and later I feel guilty about it.
I never ever want to talk to my mother anymore because it’s always one of two scenarios. After each one, I feel guilty or angry, or naked for days! And then I write essays about how horrible the relationship between me and my mom is. I even stopped writing my personal blog (another one) because suddenly I don’t want to share anything with my mother. And she’s an amazing person in her own style. Well, she deeply and selfishly loves her children and want them to always be by her side. She pretty much guilts them into doing this.
And today I feel proud and not guilty that I stood up to myself. This is me, I am not changing and your manipulations are not affecting me. I am my own person and you didn’t give birth to the slaves or friends. That’s not how the world works. Make friends, live your life and stop expecting your children to live YOUR life. Because you made some damn shitty choices and I am not following them.
- I am not crazy about “The stranger things” TV show. It’s sometimes interesting, but doesn’t have that “Wow” feeling.